JOURNEY TO A HAPPY, HEALTHY HOME
Raising Your Kinds According To Their
Needs – Part 2
INTRODUCTION:
A.
Psalm 127:1-5 Except the Lord build the house, they labour
in vain that build it: except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but
in vain. [2] It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the
bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep. [3] Lo, children are an
heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. [4] As arrows
are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. [5] Happy is the
man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they
shall speak with the enemies in the gate.
1. What
wonderful words to parents
2. Children
are a heritage and a reward
3. To
bad many don’t feel that way today
B. Being
a parent today does have its challenges
1. With the rising
cost of everything, the flat rate of raises – two parents working and hours
getting longer – what are we to do with kids?
2. Some married couples have decided not to have
children for these very reason, but what about the others?
3. Kids have many needs these days – expensive
needs, we often think.
4. But have we
really taken time to sit down and sift out the needs from the wants?
5. Someone once said, If we really get honest, we will find that kids today have basically
the same needs as they did 50 years ago or a 100 years ago or even a 1000.
C. If this is the
case, what might we really expect to find kids really need?
1. The author of our study,
Tommy Higle, states that there are 6 basic needs every child has – regardless
of age
2. Those needs are:
a. Acceptance
b. Appreciation
c. Attention
d. Authority
e. Apologies
f. Affection
3. Tonight we will have a review of the first
three, since it has been a number of weeks since we first looked at them and
the we will look at the last three: Authority, Apologies, and Affection
4. My hope is that these
lessons will help us to:
a. Stop using the party line cop outs for not
raising our kids;
b. Stop trying to buy our kids things they
really don’t need
c. And start meeting their real needs as we
raise them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
PRAY
We begin this evening by taking a quick review of our
last lesson
Review: The first need we looked at was
A. Kids Need Acceptance
1. We noted that acceptance had to do with
knowing our children – who they are.
2.
Paul wrote, Romans 15:7 Wherefore receive ye one another, as Christ also
received us to the glory of God.
3. The emphasis on
the word “receive” meaning to grant one access to one’s heart
4. Children need to know they are accepted for
who they are.
B. Secondly, Kids Need Appreciation
1.
Paul writes to the Christians in Thessalonica Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as
also ye do. 1 Thes. 5:11
a. If Acceptance says “I matter,” Appreciation
says, “What I do matters.”
b. The word “comfort”
means to encourage and “edify” to
build up.
c. Paul states we are to encourage and lift each
other up, our children included!
2. The word “appreciation”
means to “to raise in value as apposed to depreciation”
3. This means our children as well – we are to
show them they are of value!
C. Thirdly, Kids Need Attention
1. Its an old cliché but it is none the less
true, children spell love TIME!
2. In this fast paced world we have got to make
the an effort to spend time with our kids.
3. We cannot show them acceptance and
appreciation without giving them our attention!
So with that quick recap lets move on to
II. RAISING YOUR
KIDS ACCORDING TO THEIR NEEDS, Part 2
We will
begin with
A. Kids Need Authority, Eph 6:4
1. Parents,
let me assure you, your children do not need another “Pal,” they need parents
that are authority figures in their lives
a. If you will begin when they are young (months
old) it will not be a real hard thing to do
b. If they are teens, and you are just beginning
to be an authority figure in their lives – good luck!
2.
In Ephes. 6:4 Paul states, And,
ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the
nurture and admonition of the Lord.
a.
We already know that the word translated “father” could also be
translated “parents” – so I’m speaking to all parents.
b. The word “nurture” means to correct and instruct.
c. Children need rules (boundaries) to know what
is expected and guidance to teach them how to live - they also need consistent consequences when
they break the rules – you must provide that to them.
d. They need someone to discipline them and
teach them how to discipline themselves.
3. Notice I said “discipline” them – there is a
big difference between discipline and punishment
a. I’m afraid what many parents call discipline
is actually punishment and this might be the reason they are not getting
anywhere with their children
b. In your study guide you will find a table
that speaks to “discipline” and Punishment” (the page # is 50)
|
Discipline |
Punishment |
|
Promotes change |
Inflicts pain |
|
Focuses on future behavior |
Focuses on past behavior |
|
Reacts with calmness |
Reacts in anger |
|
Creates feelings of
belonging |
Creates feelings of rejection |
|
Is used sparingly |
Is used frequently |
c.
I quote Higle “Punishment is taking
revenge for doing wrong and says, “I’m spanking you for what you did.”
Discipline focuses on correction and says, “I want you to do the right thing
next time.””
4. Discipline teaches respect, whereas
punishment will teach rebellion.
5. To discipline appropriately you must take the
time to:
a. Show them the rule they broke, the boundary
they exceeded or expectation they did not meet
b. Explain why it is biblically sanctioned (show
them from the Bible)
c. Follow through on stated consequences
d. And affirm your love and pray.
6. There is a lot more very good information in
the hand out, but we must move on.
The next thing we need to understand tonight is that
B. Kids Need Apologies, Matt 5:23-24
1. Matthew 5:23-24 Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar,
and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; [24] Leave
there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy
brother, and then come and offer thy gift.
2. You see sin is sin, even if it is against a
child – we need to be able to show humility and ask forgiveness when we sin
against our children – this is the best way to teach them how to seek
forgiveness!
3. James 5:16 states, Confess your faults one to another, and
pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a
righteous man availeth much.
4. Apologies give our kids the assurance that
mistakes, errors, and even sin, cannot destroy our love and our relationships.
5. When apologizing or asking for forgiveness
follow these simple guidelines
a. Pick a private place – don’t “grandstand”
b. Be sure you are genuine – that is really
sorry
c. Don’t apologize if you are not intent on not
doing the infraction again.
d. Don’t use an apology just to excuse bad
behavior
6. When we make a mistake or sin against our
children we need to do the “right thing” and go to them, asking for their
forgiveness
This brings us to the last thing that our kids really
need
C. Kids Need Affection, Luke 15:11-24
1. I know of no passage in Scripture that states
“Parents show affection to your children:
hug them and kiss them.”
2. But inferences to the same abound – one of
the greatest might be found in a parable Jesus told to his disciples
3. It was the
parable of the Prodigal Son found in Luke 15.
4. You know the story
a. A son rebels and demands his inheritance
which his father gives him
b. He leaves and spends it all foolishly and
quickly, leaving him destitute.
c. He is humbled and decides to go home, hoping
his father will take him back, even as a servant
d. Instead His father welcomes him back with
open arms
e.
It is at this point I want to bring the words of Jesus, found in Luke 15:20, to your attention: And he arose, and came to his father. But
when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and
ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.
5. Do you see the show a affection: hugs and
kisses – every child needs them: regularly, consistently and often!
6. These two simple things give our children
reassurance that they are connect to us and that we love them and that they
really mean something to us!
7. As Tommy writes, “It should not be necessary to remind parents to be affectionate
towards their kids. However, many
children grow up with little or no affection, particularly from their fathers.”
8. When children are shown no affection, they
generally will show none themselves.
9. What a shame!
Show your child affection – it will go a long way in meeting some very
important needs in their lives!
CONCLUSION:
A. In the past
two studies concerning “Raising Your Kids According to Their Needs” we have
seen that they have six basic needs
1. Acceptance, Appreciation,
Attention
2. Authority, Apologies, Affection
B. We need to be
the parents God has told us to be and if we will raise our children along these
biblical lines we will see much fruit of love, tenderness and obedience.
C. Lets endeavor to be the parents God has
equipped us to be.