A BIBLICAL VIEW OF CONFLICT RESOLUTION

James 3:13-18

 

INTRODUCTION:

 

      A.  James 3:13-18 Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? let him shew out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom. [14] But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth. [15] This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish. [16] For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work. [17] But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. [18] And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.

 

      B.  Conflict, its everywhere:  between friends, acquaintances, & co-workers

            1.  Anyone here ever have a occasional conflict in their home?

                  a.  Did you enjoy conflict?      

                  b.  Did you benefit from the conflict?

                  c.  Did you handle it in a biblical manner?

            2.  Sad to say, For many families conflict is the norm.

                  a.  They can remember a time when things were great

                  b.  But life seems to have brought about a change

                        1)  There is conflict between spouses

                        2)  Conflict with children

                        3)  Conflict between siblings

                  c.  So much conflict some times that people just want to through up their hands and quit – and many do.

            3.  But is that really how God would have us to handle conflict?

 

      C.  I don’t think so.

            1.  The passage we opened with gives us some insight into the topic of conflict and its resolution

                  a.  It speaks to the reason for conflict, verses 14-16

                  b.  The means of avoiding or resolving conflict, v. 17

                  c.  And the outcome of peaceful living, v. 18

            2.  If nothing else, just reading it should give us hope that we can settle conflict in a manner that brings peace!

            3.  And I hope this two part lesson entitled “A Biblical View Of Conflict Resolution” will help us to do just that.

 

      D.  Each family should have a copy of Stuart Scott’s booklet entitled Communication and Conflict Resolution

            1.  Beginning on page 13, he provides us with a great deal of information on the topic of conflict resolution

            2.  It will be a structural guide for our study

            3.  Again I must let you know that we will not necessarily cover every thing in it and we might have information that is not contained in it.

            4.  It is intended to be a take home guide,  but the Bible will be our main text book!

 

      E.  So lets pray and ask God to help us learn how to mange conflict in a biblical manner, that we might live a life of peace in our own homes!

 

PRAY

 

We will begin our study on conflict resolution by first answering the question

 

I.   WHAT IS CONFLICT?

 

      A.  A Definition

            1.  First let me state that when we talk about conflict we are not taking about a difference of opinion or having a disagreement with someone.

                  -  These can lead to a conflict but are not such in and of themselves.

            2.  The author of our study guide tells us that the Latin word from which we get our word “conflict” from means “strike”

            3.  It is a common military word which means to “fight against.”

            4.  Hence conflict is a physical or verbal fight in which both people are involved and against one another.

            5.  The author gave this definition for our use in this study, Conflict…is when both parties sin against one another (in their communication and/or their actions) and are then in opposition to one another.

            6.  With a definition of conflict determined, we need to know what God thinks about conflict

 

      B.  Conflict Is Appalling to Our God

            1.  As we have already seen, God has given us plenty of instruction on how we are to communicate with one another

                  a.  Warning us of strife

                  b.  Telling us what to do if we are sinned against or angry

                  c.  And commanding us to be in control of our spirit.

                  d.  In fact, He spoke these words to us through the apostle Paul, I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called…Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Eph 4:1,3

            2.  Most conflicts start with an offense someone commits towards us or we towards them.

                  a.  God wants us to do our best not to offend others including our spouses

                  b.  There will be times when it is will happen, because people take offense at the word or gospel, but if it was done in love and in the right spirit, well we can’t help that

                  c.  However we are to endeavor not to needlessly or sinfully offend others

            3.  And this goes not just for our family or friends but for anyone, listen to Paul’s words

                  a.  To the Corinthians, 1 Cor. 10:31-32 Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God. [32] Give none offence, neither to the Jews, nor to the Gentiles, nor to the church of God:

                  b.  And then Jesus words to the disciples, Matthew 5:44-45 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; [45] That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.

 

      C.  So if conflict is not something that pleases God then we need to figure out where it comes from if we are going to set things right.

 

And this is what we will look at next.  We need to answer the question

 

II.  WHERE DO CONFLICTS COME FROM?  There are four primary origination points for conflict – it can begin in any one of them or a combination of them.  They are Differences, Offences, Pride and the Flesh.  Lets look at each of them individually, beginning with

 

      A.  Differences

            1.  Differences are inevitable.

                  a.  We are each unique individuals – even sisters brought up in the same environment are different

                  b.  If you looked at my two sisters and me you might wonder how we can be so different – we think differently, act differently, and view things differently

                  c.  Though we have much in common we are still different.

                  d.  Now take two people from two different families: one a  homesteader and the other a world traveler – do you think they are going to be different?

            2.  It does not matter to God if you have many or few differences – we are still not to have conflict.

            3.  I like what the author of the study guide wrote, “A couple can have a great deal in common and still have conflict if they are prideful and selfish.  Some say their is no hope for couples who are not compatible.  This is obviously not God’s perspective because when the Bible was written, many couples who married hardly knew each other, if at all.”

            4.  Differences do not cause conflict – how we handle differences can cause conflict!

            5.  Whether you have much or little in common you can still have companionship and oneness in marriage.

 

      B.  The second area that bring about conflict is Offences

            1.  A very serious cause of conflict is a wrong response to an offense or to a sinning spouse.

            2.  If we keep it within the context of marriage we need to understand that there is no reason for an offense or sin of one partner to bring conflict between both.

            3.  If we learn to respond humbly and graciously to one another’s sin conflict can be averted.

                  -  Proverbs 17:27 He that hath knowledge spareth his words: and a man of understanding is of an excellent spirit.

                  -  Proverbs 15:28 The heart of the righteous studieth to answer:…

                  -  Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turneth away wrath:….

            4.  “We must train ourselves to control our responses to fit God’s rules of communication and the proper handling of sin.”

 

      C.  A third area that conflict can emerge from is Pride

            1.  You would think that we would not have to mention much about pride, but it is a big contributor  to conflict, in marriage and else where!

                  a.  Proverbs 28:25 He that is of a proud heart stirreth up strife:….

                  b.  Proverbs 13:10 Only by pride cometh contention:….

                        -  By the way there is another study book out by Scott entitled “From Pride To Humility”  that we might just look into a little later.

            2.  You see a prideful person’s focus is on self!  They believe, though they might no say it out-right that all things should be from them, through them, to them or for them.

            3.  Thomas Watson, a pastor from the mid 1600’s wrote, “Pride seeks to ungod God.”

            4.  This might be why the psalmist wrote, Let not the foot of pride come against me, and let not the hand of the wicked remove me. Psalm 36:11 

            5.  With that we come to the last bastion of conflict that we will look at, and that is

 

      D.  The Flesh

            1.  Listen to James, From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members? [2] Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not. [3] Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts. James 4:1-3

            2.  Did you notice the numerous references to military terms?  Wars, fighting’s, war, kill, fight, war

            3.  We want the spoils of war:  it might be prestige, power, position, authority

            4.  The flesh, when coupled to pride demands:  My way, My feelings, my rights, my expectations, my needs, my plans!

            5.  Some of the things that our fleshly lusts pursue could be riches, sex, food, possessions, relaxation, comfort, recognition or approval.

            6.  So in the midst of conflict we need to ask ourselves “What is it I’m wanting for myself?”

                  -  1 Cor. 10:24 Let no man seek his own, but every man another's wealth.

 

      E.  A man or woman engaged in conflict is focused on self and not loving their spouse or seeking to glorify God!

            1.  1 Cor 13:5 tells us that love does not seek its own!

            2.  But rather beareth all things and endures all things!

 

With that said lets end on a good note and answer the question:

 

III.  CAN DIFFERENCES AND DISAGREEMENTS BE BENEFICIAL?

 

      A.  The Quick Answer, YES!

 

      B.  Stuart Scott gives 8 benefits that we should consider on page 21

            1.  They can encourage us to search the Scriptures (Pas 119:71-72)

            2.  They can help us think carefully about how and what we think of what we believe (Prov 15:28)

            3.  They can help us work harder at communicating effectively (Eph 4:25)

            4.  They can produce maturity and endurance (Jam 1:2-5)

            5.  They can help us sharpen one another (Prov 27:17)

            6.  They can strengthen our faith in the truth that God is working all things together for good (Rom 8:29-29)

            7.  They give us opportunity to practice servanthood and preferring one another (Phil 2:2-3)

            8.  They give us opportunity to love and glorify God (1 Cor 10:31-32)

 

CONCLUSION:

 

      A.  So tonight we have seen that conflict is not what God wants for our lives and we have learned where conflict comes from

 

      B.  Next week we will look at how we can avoid conflict or handling it in a godly manner!

 

      C.  Lets as our Lord Jesus Christ to help us be people who handle possible conflict in a godly manner.