JOURNEY TO A HAPPY, HEALTHY HOME

Rekindling Romance

Ephesians 5:21

 

INTRODUCTION:

 

      A.  Solomon gives us a wonderful statement in Proverbs 5:18, it states, Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.

            1.  Yet it seems when the honeymoon stage of marriage is over many couples ask the questions like  “Why don’t we love each other the way we used too?” or “Why don’t we enjoy each other like we used too?”

            2.  When the infatuation is over and they have had time to really get to know each other things seem to change.

            3.  Now, that change can be for the better, but for many it is not.

            4.  I don’t know who said it but it is as if “Life gets in the way” of romance.

 

      B.  Last week we looked at “Roadblocks” to Romance

            1.  We first defined “romance” as:  Ardent emotional attachment or involvement between people; The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language

                  -  I like this because to many people would define “romance” as sex, but it is much more – it is the mysterious quality that makes life with another person good, including the sexual aspect of that life.

            2.  We then went on to look at 5 things that hinder romance in our marriage

            3.  Those five areas were:

                  a.  Bitterness

                  b.  Anger

                  c.  Time

                  d.  Ignorance

                  e.  Busyness

 

      C.  Tonight we are going to look at how we can make our marriages better

            1.  At first glance it might seem like a “no brainer,” just fix the five things listed above

            2.  And in a way that is true – but how do we go about doing that?

            3.  That is what I will endeavor to show tonight.

            4.  The essence of what is needed is found in Ephes. 5:21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

            5.  To bring this to pass in order to Rekindle Romance in a marriage we must know and act on two things

                  a.  An Important Principle

                  b.  The Requirements to Rekindling Romance

            6.  May Our heavenly Father help us to know and follow through on the knowledge we receive in order to give us a happy and healthy homes!

 

PRAY

 

First let me say, that this is one of those times we are not going to follow the study guide very close – we are going to use its major headings, but we will not cover much of the information in it.  I want to encourage you to take it home and go through it as a couple because it provides a lot of ‘Practical” application.  With that said let me begin by setting forth

 

I.   AN IMPORTANT PRINCIPLE, Ephes. 5:21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

 

      A.  This is a very important principle because it requires two spiritual character traits

            1.  A Spirit of Humility

                  a.  There can be no submission without humility

                  b. Listen to God’s words on the matter found in Philip. 2:1-4 If there be therefore any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any bowels and mercies, [2] Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. [3] Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. [4] Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.

                  c.  And then in the proceeding verses we are given our example – Jesus!

                  d.  James wrote, James 4:6 …Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.

                  e.  And the Proverbs abound humility & pride

                        -  Proverbs 28:25 He that is of a proud heart stirreth up strife: but he that putteth his trust in the Lord shall be made fat.

            2.  A Spirit of Forgiveness/Repentance

                  a.  Forgiveness asked for and granted

                        1)  Ephes. 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

                        2)  Matthew 6:15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

                        3)  Luke 17:4 And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him.

                  b.  Repentance need for one to ask for forgiveness

                        1) Luke 17:3 Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.

                        2)  Repentance is a tuning from the sin – it means there is a conscience effort not to do it again.

 

      B.  With these in place we will be able to submit one to the other

            1.  The influence for this type of relationship is the fear of the Lord.

            2.  In other words our own personal lives need to be sync with God and then we can have the mind of Christ – humble and forgiving others

 

And this leads us to the

 

II.  THE REQUIREMENTS TO REKINDLING ROMANCE

 

      A.  Rekindling Romance Requires Consideration, Philip. 2:4 Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.

            1.  Many marriages do not have much romance because one or both parties are looking out for number one – themselves

                  a.  How often do you honestly think about what would make you mate happy verses yourself?

                  b.  When you think about going out – is it about you or them?

                  c.  Let me ask you a question:  How do you feel when your get around someone who always wants to talk about themselves? 

                  d.  Why would you think your mate would think otherwise if every time you did something it was about you?

            2.  When was the last time you noticed something good about your spouse

                  a.  Their personal appearance?

                  b.  A thoughtful deed?

                  c.  A good idea?

                  d.  Time spent together?

                        - You probably noticed all these things while you were dating – what happen?  You stopped looking, took for granted, and dismissed it!

            3.  Revelation 2:5 (though not in context) has something to say about this, Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works;

            4.  And the writer of Hebrews exhorts us And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: and this leads us into the next requirement.   Hebrews 10:24 

 

      B.  Rekindling Romance Requires Care, Galatians 5:13 For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.

            1.  Whereas consideration requires thinking and attitude, care requires action!

            2.  Now I know some of you are saying, “that verse is talking about serving our brothers and sisters in Christ,” and you are right, but remember your spouse is a Christian as well!

            3.  For some reason we have a tendency to think that once we are married we no longer have to serve our mate

                  -  Men like to push the obedience thing on women, yet Christ specifically told the men to love their wives and this translates into actions!

            5.  The words “I love Your” become trite when there is no action to back it up!

            6.  So, how can you say “I love you” in an action?

                  a.  If you hold to the “Love Languages” angle, then you speak to them in their language:  Words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service & physical touch

                  b.  However, I am of the opinion that we need to incorporate all of these in our “doing”

            7.  Your study guide gives some examples.

 

      C.  The third, and final requirement, for our purposes tonight, is Courtship

            1.  Now I know what some of you are thinking “Who uses that word anymore?”

            2.  The answer, “Not many” but they aren’t doing it by any other name either!

            3. The author of the study guide used a passage out of Song of Solomon, Song 7:11-12 Come, my beloved, let us go forth into the field; let us lodge in the villages. [12] Let us get up early to the vineyards; let us see if the vine flourish, whether the tender grape appear, and the pomegranates bud forth: there will I give thee my loves.

            4.  Again many times after the honeymoon, people settle into life and they forget to pursue the relationship to keep it “alive”

            5.  To help us get this started again the author gave for tips:

                  a.  Plan and prioritize – if you don’t schedule it, it probably will not happen

                  b.  Prohibit problem solving – you are not going out to discuss problems but to enjoy each other

                  c.  Provide adequate childcare – for those of you who have children who cannot stay by themselves, it needs to be a part of your scheduling/calendaring process

                  d.  Prepare to date weekly – now I know some of you are thinking “we can’t afford to do it every week:  well a date does not have to cost a lot of money – it might be a picnic in the park.

            6.  There are a couple of other items in the hand-out to help you get this going and I would encourage you to use them if you need too.

 

CONCLUSION:

 

      A.  Folks, the truth of the matter is that a relationship is an organic thing.

            1.  It is either dying or growing

            2.  You planted your relationship together when you said “I do”

            3.  You can leave it to itself and the weeds will over grow it, the lack of fertilizer and rain will kill it

            4.  Or you can cultivate it with Consideration, Care and Courtship and it will flourish

            5.  The greatest thing about it is that you are the ones who get to harvest and partake of the fruit!

 

      B.  Folks, God wants us each of us who are married to have a happy healthy Home

            1.  We can do it His way and have it

            2.  We can have it and honor God through it!